All Things New (Part 1)

Wow.  It's been a while.  This last summer we had some major changes, and I forgot about you, little blog.  Well, not entirely.  You've been remade 17 times in my mind, and when I logged in today I discovered that none of those changes had been made!  Amazing how things don't get done if I don't do them.  Hmm.

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This last summer I decided to take the fight for our boy to a new level.  My middle child (who is becoming the second of four, come Feb 2013), the one who fell off the bed in his sleep and split his lip, has been having more troubles.  I had tried to write it all off as just 'boys are like that sometimes'.  But there was still the nagging feeling at the back of my mind, and the more issues that sprang up, the more I talked with our doctor, the more I started to hear, "Oh, he'll grow out of (insert symptom)," the more that little nagging feeling became a suspicion.

Since he was 6 months old our guy's had eczema.  Now, at almost 4, he's had digestive issues, major tantrum issues, communication difficulties, is refusing to toilet train, he self-injures, sleeps very little (which results in ME sleeping very little), is obsessive about certain toys and videos, runs in circles waving his hands . . . I could go on and on.  We've tried 6 or 7 OTC lotions, creams, essential oils and bath additives, 2 or 3 prescriptions, and nothing gave him much relief from his eczema.  In fact, most of his bed sheets are blood stained from his scratching. 

I read about trying an elimination diet to see if he had food allergies, tried removing gluten and things improved a little:  his eczema was less severe, he was sleeping better and his mood and cooperation had improved.  I took him back to the MD with our findings and asked for a referral to an allergist.  After two negative IGA screens and one negative RAST test, I felt so frustrated.  That doctor said, point blank, "I don't think his issues are food related." 
"Bull****," I thought.  "This HAS to be food related."  So I kept on reading.  Some friends had been posting info on Facebook about the Paleo diet, and so we tried that.  One article caught my eye:  these parents made major changes to the way their family eats, and found that health improvements were dramatic and started immediately. 

We started a modified Paleo diet (included rice and gluten-free oats) and saw dramatic improvements in everyone's health in just a few weeks.  It didn't completely resolve the eczema issue, but after seeing the behavior improvements in our boy, I thought we were on the right track. 

**I feel at this point it's important to say that I am SO grateful for a gal named Kim.  If not for her, listening astutely to the complaints of a confused and sleep-deprived momma and offering her opinion (despite the fact that it could make me mad, she said), we wouldn't be where we are.  Thank you, my dear, for helping me put the puzzle together, and for caring enough to speak up--even when it might be uncomfortable.**

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TBC

Decisions, decisions . . .

The uncomfortable feeling started a couple of weeks ago: a co-worker asked, as she passed my desk, "Can't you stay for another month?" I was in a really aggravated mood, and just snapped, "No." No discussion, no, "Oh, thanks, but . . ." I just answered her shortly, and thought the conversation was over.

Last week same co-worker commented on a Facebook note I'd posted that she was having abandonment issues. I replied with a sunshiny, "That's not my problem, dear!" Again, I thougth it was over.

Today in a meeting, my BOSS actually mentioned it in a sort-of joking manner. Honestly I'm not sure how serious she might have been. I couldn't bring myself to respond. It made me really uncomfortable!!

Now I have been pre-screening candidates for my position and have scheduled 5 interviews for them this week--and the cow eyes continue from members of my team. I really *really* don't want to be in the position of having to magnanimously decline the owners asking me to stick around. I gave them 6 weeks' notice. 6 weeks! That should have been enough time to troll around for candidates, in my opinion. I feel a little sorry for them, but what can I do? I warned them that this was going to happen! I'm just so aggravated, and hope they come up with a quick solution without any dramatics at my exit.

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Meanwhile . . .

Packing continues and I am trying to decide what pieces of my garden I want to transplant to the new place. I was overjoyed the other morning when I discovered that my creeping thyme came back--hooray!! One less herb to buy for the garden!! So I have the thyme, chives, and peppermint that all came back. Yum! Sounds like the beginning to a tasty Indian or Greek dish!

Research continues on cloth diapering, and I'm getting ready to try my hand at making my own laundry detergent. It's such a strange juxtaposition: I'm in a modern office in the corporate world, talking about my transition to a SAHM DIY world. Less technology, but more work! Less coffee, but more kids! I'm still wondering how I'm going to adjust to all this.

I have 9 days left here. And yes, I AM counting these days!! Trying to make them count, but honestly not caring that I'm still here. Both feet are out the door, but the rest of me has a few days yet left to follow.

I'm excited, a little scared, but mostly excited and relieved that the Lord is answering my prayers!! Now I wonder: what does that mean? He's giving me my heart's desire: what is He asking for in return?

My home? Check.
My job? Check.
My kids? Check, check (and waiting on a check).
My marriage? Gave Him that a while ago.

Wondering what He's asking of me now? And even as I ask myself that question, I get the answer. My time.

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Thank you Lord Jesus for your many many blessings. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for this day, for you have made it. Help me to be the woman you made me into!

Good things come to those who wait . . .

I can hardly believe I'm writing this post.

The last week has been like a blur . . . I had this feeling . . . then there were two blue lines on a stick . . . then my husband said what I've been praying he'd say for the last four years; "Looks like you're coming home to stay, because we can't afford 3 in daycare!"

I get to stay home with my babies.

I feel like I've lived an entire life since then, and it's only been 5 days.

I'm not jumping up and down like I thought I would be. I'm just happy. Peaceful. Excited, but nervous. Temperate? I don't know what to call this feeling . . . the Joy of the Lord? Probably, but it's a lot quieter than I thought it would be. I have more patience for my almost-four-year-old and her grumpies, and with my 13 month old as he develops his own strong-willed temperament. I have more patience with my DH. I have peace. I feel humbled by the grace that has been given to me. I am allowed another child, and the chance to do my best raising the two I already have.

I still have to fight the fear that comes with change--that's never easy, of course. There are all these, "What if" situations that pop up in my brain, but they're all based on fear . . . and not a healthy fear of the Lord, either.

It's taking time to sink in, like our spring thaw . . . I get to stay home with my babies. I'm still not jumping up and down. In my imagination there were more exclamation points in this post. :-) I sure smile a whole lot more, that's for sure.
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Something just occurred to me . . . very soon I won't have to listen to the CEO of our company curse every time he looks at the clock as he walks by my desk. I won't miss that. Not one bit.
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I'm going to start really digging in to Proverbs 31, and will post my observations here as I go. I want to be that woman for God, for my kids and for my husband.

How am I going to break this to my boss? :-) I know I'm going to meet with opposition in many areas, perhaps mostly here at work, but I honestly don't care. My family is supportive and so are the friends we've told. I'm sure a lot of people will think we're nuts: lots have asked whether we were "done" when we got pregnant with my DS, but I couldn't really answer except to say, "I don't know" or "For now."

I just feel so blessed, so undeservedly blessed. It really is humbling.

I get to stay home with my babies.

My precious, precious Jesus:
I'm sure you know better than I the gift that you've given me. I can't imagine why or how you think I can do this . . . I know you'll help me. I know it's going to be hard. I also know that it's going to be worth all the tears and heartache and sacrifice. You are worth it. You alone are worthy of my praise, and I pray that I can give it to you fully and without reservation. Thank you, thank you.

Genesis

Why Genesis?
I'm not exactly referring to the first book in the Bible here, but I am just starting this blog about my faith walk so I figured "Genesis" was a good place to start. Genesis means "birth" or "origin," which seems fitting as my family of three is getting bigger by one this January, and hopefully we'll be starting a new life as our baby boy's life begins.
This new life would involve me finally being able to be a stay-at-home mom, which is something that's been on my heart for a REALLY long time. This new life may also involve a big move for our family, as my dear hubby is looking for a new job anywhere and everywhere, which at the moment includes Arkansas.
My desire right now is to follow where God leads. I don't know if that means that I'll get to quit my job soon or not, but I would sure love to! Don't get me wrong--my job is a little boring, but it's stable, I have great co-workers and incredible benefits. I get out of the house every day, I get a decent paycheck, I'm contributing to my household income and to the tax base, I provide a valuable service to my employer . . . So why do I want to leave this all behind?
Frankly, I've been asking myself the same thing. Sure, as great as the job is, there is occasional friction between me and a boss; I have deadlines that are dependant on others doing their work first, which usually doesn't happen on time; I have an aggravating co-worker or two. But that's typical work stuff that everybody goes through, no matter what business they're in.
The main reason I am willing to drop the great job is this: someone else takes care of my daughter every day. I was at work when she took her first steps and cut her first tooth, and I'm just tired of missing out on her growing up. If we stay where we are, I keep the job and put the kids in daycare, I'll be missing out on all the same things with my little boy. I just don't want to do that anymore!
So, even starting this blog is a big leap of faith for me. I haven't shared my desire to stay home with many people (mainly because hubby hasn't gotten a job offer yet and I don't want word to get back to my boss!), but I want this so very badly. I know this is the design God has for my family . . . now if only we could figure out how He is going to pull this off!!

My prayer for today:
Father, please keep me close. I want to go where you send me, even if I have to sacrifice my home and my great career. Please give me the courage and faith to step out and do what you ask of me. Thank you for blessing us, and for providing for us in so many many ways. Thank you for showing us that you will continue to provide for our every need. Help me to keep this attitude of prayer throughout my day today, and always. Thank you most of all for the gift of salvation through your Son, that you would put Him to death for my sin. Keep me in all of your ways, Lord.
Amen