They're all asleep!!

Wow.
I can hardly believe my last post was in July. Crazy! Since then I left my beloved job, we took the kids out of daycare and we've moved to my brother's to be caretakers, and a little more than 8 weeks ago I gave birth to my newest little guy, Reece David.
Life can sure change fast.
And the only reason I'm sitting down to write is that everyone else in the house is snoozing! Ahh, sweet silence . . .
My hubby and I were discussing this just the other night: If you'd have told me last Christmas that in 2010 I would leave my job to be a SAHM, I would have a new baby, and that I'd be living in what amounts to my dream home, I'd have said you were certifiable.
Yet here I am.
Left my job. SAHM. New baby. 1870s farm house in a sleepy river town.
Crazy.
It certainly hasn't been easy, and it's not always fun, but somehow the extra hard work really is . . . easier. Maybe not easier--maybe it's just that I'm doing something worthwhile? It's harder work, but less--no, make that different--stress. There are rarely breaks (like now!) and no vacations. There are constant messes, noise, smelly bottoms, sticky faces . . . but there are also giggles, drool, toys, smiles and dimples that I would miss otherwise.
I've had to slog my way through the murky depths of post-partum depression, but I have a beautiful boy to show for it. I don't get to shower every day, and I rarely get to go potty without someone trailing along behind me, but my middle child doesn't care if I'm sitting on the toilet when I read to him. Forgiving boy.
My husband is really coming into his own, too. I'd say he's changed a lot in the last year, but maybe it's me that's changed: I see him how he really is now that I'm not distracted by so many outside things. He's stronger than I'd have imagined. More tender. Compassionate. Fun. He'd probably kick me for saying this, but I think he looks better with the extra grey hairs he's earned this year. I don't know about MY new greys, but his look really good. Mmm. I have a cute husband. Is it getting warm in here?
Occasional behavior issues and mountains of laundry aside, this has been a good move for us. The Lord has opened up tons of new possibilities for us: homeschooling, more children, adoption or foster care, maybe a new church home, new friends. Things I'd dreamed about before but were "impossible": With God all things are possible.
All things.

Decisions, decisions . . .

The uncomfortable feeling started a couple of weeks ago: a co-worker asked, as she passed my desk, "Can't you stay for another month?" I was in a really aggravated mood, and just snapped, "No." No discussion, no, "Oh, thanks, but . . ." I just answered her shortly, and thought the conversation was over.

Last week same co-worker commented on a Facebook note I'd posted that she was having abandonment issues. I replied with a sunshiny, "That's not my problem, dear!" Again, I thougth it was over.

Today in a meeting, my BOSS actually mentioned it in a sort-of joking manner. Honestly I'm not sure how serious she might have been. I couldn't bring myself to respond. It made me really uncomfortable!!

Now I have been pre-screening candidates for my position and have scheduled 5 interviews for them this week--and the cow eyes continue from members of my team. I really *really* don't want to be in the position of having to magnanimously decline the owners asking me to stick around. I gave them 6 weeks' notice. 6 weeks! That should have been enough time to troll around for candidates, in my opinion. I feel a little sorry for them, but what can I do? I warned them that this was going to happen! I'm just so aggravated, and hope they come up with a quick solution without any dramatics at my exit.

~

Meanwhile . . .

Packing continues and I am trying to decide what pieces of my garden I want to transplant to the new place. I was overjoyed the other morning when I discovered that my creeping thyme came back--hooray!! One less herb to buy for the garden!! So I have the thyme, chives, and peppermint that all came back. Yum! Sounds like the beginning to a tasty Indian or Greek dish!

Research continues on cloth diapering, and I'm getting ready to try my hand at making my own laundry detergent. It's such a strange juxtaposition: I'm in a modern office in the corporate world, talking about my transition to a SAHM DIY world. Less technology, but more work! Less coffee, but more kids! I'm still wondering how I'm going to adjust to all this.

I have 9 days left here. And yes, I AM counting these days!! Trying to make them count, but honestly not caring that I'm still here. Both feet are out the door, but the rest of me has a few days yet left to follow.

I'm excited, a little scared, but mostly excited and relieved that the Lord is answering my prayers!! Now I wonder: what does that mean? He's giving me my heart's desire: what is He asking for in return?

My home? Check.
My job? Check.
My kids? Check, check (and waiting on a check).
My marriage? Gave Him that a while ago.

Wondering what He's asking of me now? And even as I ask myself that question, I get the answer. My time.

~

Thank you Lord Jesus for your many many blessings. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for this day, for you have made it. Help me to be the woman you made me into!

Promised Land

I keep thinking about the Israelites, and wonder how they felt when they were told--after 40 years of wandering around that mountain--that they were finally allowed to enter the land promised to their forefathers.

Were they excited, or was the concept of the promised land--and the memory of slavery--so far removed from them that they didn't care or understand?

Maybe that's why I'm not more excited? The idea that I get to go home to my babies is still just so unreal to me. I trust the Lord; I'm doing research and making plans, hubby and I are crunching the numbers and making out a new budget, and things are looking good. It's just so unreal . . . but in that dream-like happy way.

I love my kids so much. I love my husband so much. I serve the biggest best God ever. And I love HIM so much!!

Beauty from ashes

I've been praying that the Lord would use my mistakes and unfortunate past experiences for His glory, and I'm starting to see that happen. I was able to minister to a friend today, to help her remember His hope for her hopeless situation . . . it was amazing. She has the mark of Grace on her life, true grace. She could choose bitterness, but chose instead graciousness. She chose truth over a lie. She chose God's Word over her feelings. She has every reason to be unforgiving, but is choosing instead to forgive. I am so proud of her.
God is so good!!
I don't know what the end result of our prayers will be, but I'm excited to see what happens. We're hoping for the best, praying against the worst, and waiting on the Lord.
God used the beautiful end result of my presumably hopeless situation, and turned it into hope for my friend. I love that.

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

He said He will renew our strength, He'll give us wings to fly.

~~~~

I remember reading once that revenge is like swallowing poison in the hopes that another will die, and I believe that is true. What freedom there is in forgiveness!

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Praise report!! My husband got a new job: it's a temp-to-hire situation, and I'm praying that it's just another step toward home for me. My journey to being a stay-at-home momma is becoming more real to me all the time. Hubby is actually talking about "having another one!" Is he always going to get baby-fever before me? We're definitely becoming a quiverfully-minded couple, and much quicker than I'd anticipated.

Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the LORD watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.
2 In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

for he grants sleep to [a] those he loves.
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,

children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Still waiting

I can't believe it's been so long since I visited my little blog! Time sure flies, I guess.

Little Brother came along in late January and I've been running hard ever since. Big Sister has adjusted well to the addition, but it was a little touch-and-go for a while. Little has endured severe pats on the head, too-tight hugs and has literally been kicked when he was down. Tough boy, brother to a tougher girl.

I wish I could say I was closer to my heart's desire--to stay home with my kids--but I'm not. I've learned a lot on this journey so far, though:

• Having two kids is seventeen times the work of one. Or thereabouts.
  
• Boy babies are easier than girl babies. I heard this rumor once before, and now I'm a believer.
• I'm much more relaxed this time around than I was with #1. Perhaps it's experience, perhaps it's just fatigue. I suspect it's a combo.
• My husband is an awesome guy. He's taken to this kid raising thing well, and still manages to make me feel like a special lady. That is a wonderful thing!

I'm sure that one day we'll get this SAHM thing figured out, but I wish we could do it sooner than we are. Perhaps that isn't the Lord's plan for me now . . . I just have to wait on Him.

I still have my dream of staying home with the kids, maybe having one or two more, growing my own veggies in the summer and homeschooling. Maybe it'll happen yet . . .

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I'll be thirty this fall and I'm starting to feel less like a little kid, and more like an adult. When the heck did that happen?! When did my gray hairs become just a fact of life instead of an abhorrence? Not that I have so many, but they do stand out in dark brown hair . . . time to dig out the henna!

Distraction

Anyone else out there get distracted easily? I'm even having a hard time typing out this second sentence! Blah!!
Lately, I find myself lost in my own thoughts when I should be working. I don't want to be one of those daydreamer employees who does just enough to get by, but I'm afraid that's exactly the category I'm falling into at the moment. Dolly daydream . . .
Mostly I'm thinking about my daughter and what it will be like for her to have a little brother; I wonder how in the world we're going to get by on one income with all the out-standing debt we have; how I can be a better support for my husband as he's looking for more work.
We got word back from Arkansas--basically, hubby is asking for way more than this company can afford, so they're in the slary negotiating stage.
I'm no longer convinced that moving out of state is the answer to our financial issues. I'm really starting to want to figure out how we can stay put, I just have no idea how we're going to cover all the bills AND pay down debt.

Heavenly Father, hold us up. I'm so distracted lately that I'm having a hard time getting my work done . . . all I want to do is stay home with my daughter. It's hard getting out of bed each day and dropping her off at daycare. Please give me the strength and fortitude to keep pressing forward!
I love you Lord. Thank you for your mercy today. Amen