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I'm so glad you've stopped by! In June 2010 I left a great job to be a stay-at-home momma to my three sweeties. Join me as I explore the joys and sorrows of leaving work, staying home with the little people who matter most, as well as the trials of living on one income, marriage, life, and living by faith. I'm learning so much about myself, my husband, and my kids by writing here and I hope to continue learning to sing praises to the One who gave me this blessed life!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Healing

Re-discovering something you already knew can be at once a relief and an embarrassment. Sort of like farting in public.

My journey through depression has been really life-changing, in a relieving and sometimes embarrassing way. I can't tell you how many times I've been on the receiving end of someone's depressive mood. As a former receptionsit, I often felt like the bartender: people would find themselves telling me really personal struggles without warning and without the mood-altering effects of alcohol. My responses to the emotional leavings were pretty much the same, with promises to pray, and encouragement that the Lord would work through their journey. Pray, friend: God knows what He's doing in your life, even when you can't see it. Wait on the Lord: He's going to do what He's going to do in his time and not yours, right? Ask God to show you how to grow in this: it could be that He's turning up the heat on you to burn off the junk He won't use.

I was full of these kinds of platitudes. Trouble is I can't seem to be able to tell myself whatever it was that did others so much good in the past: Pray. Wait. Seek God. Blah. Blah-blah, blah-blah-blah. What was it that Alice said when lost in Wonderland . . .

I give myself very good advice,
But I very seldom follow it.
That explains the trouble that I'm always in.
"Be patient," is very good advice,
But the waiting makes me curious . . .
And I'd love the change
Should something strange begin.
Well I went along my merry way,
And I never stopped to reason . . .
I should have known there'd be a price to pay
Someday . . . someday.
I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it.
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?

Will *I* ever learn to do the things I should? Pray. Wait. Seek God. I look back at my track record and say that it's not likely. However . . .

" . . . I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

I know this. I knew this. I don't need to do it all perfectly, all right now. But I *can* heal, and through the Great Physician I can I can reflect on this time as one during which the God who loves me more than I deserve, gave me a chance to grow in Him.

I recently re-read the short story Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. All the time there is a drastic and frightening change going on and a family dealing with difficulty, loss and uncertainty:  but the real change, the real metamorphosis was from within.

In the end the thing which they were trying to save was the thing they needed to let go of the most.

So how can I praise the Lord in the midst of letting go?  How do you?