Good things come to those who wait . . .

I can hardly believe I'm writing this post.

The last week has been like a blur . . . I had this feeling . . . then there were two blue lines on a stick . . . then my husband said what I've been praying he'd say for the last four years; "Looks like you're coming home to stay, because we can't afford 3 in daycare!"

I get to stay home with my babies.

I feel like I've lived an entire life since then, and it's only been 5 days.

I'm not jumping up and down like I thought I would be. I'm just happy. Peaceful. Excited, but nervous. Temperate? I don't know what to call this feeling . . . the Joy of the Lord? Probably, but it's a lot quieter than I thought it would be. I have more patience for my almost-four-year-old and her grumpies, and with my 13 month old as he develops his own strong-willed temperament. I have more patience with my DH. I have peace. I feel humbled by the grace that has been given to me. I am allowed another child, and the chance to do my best raising the two I already have.

I still have to fight the fear that comes with change--that's never easy, of course. There are all these, "What if" situations that pop up in my brain, but they're all based on fear . . . and not a healthy fear of the Lord, either.

It's taking time to sink in, like our spring thaw . . . I get to stay home with my babies. I'm still not jumping up and down. In my imagination there were more exclamation points in this post. :-) I sure smile a whole lot more, that's for sure.
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Something just occurred to me . . . very soon I won't have to listen to the CEO of our company curse every time he looks at the clock as he walks by my desk. I won't miss that. Not one bit.
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I'm going to start really digging in to Proverbs 31, and will post my observations here as I go. I want to be that woman for God, for my kids and for my husband.

How am I going to break this to my boss? :-) I know I'm going to meet with opposition in many areas, perhaps mostly here at work, but I honestly don't care. My family is supportive and so are the friends we've told. I'm sure a lot of people will think we're nuts: lots have asked whether we were "done" when we got pregnant with my DS, but I couldn't really answer except to say, "I don't know" or "For now."

I just feel so blessed, so undeservedly blessed. It really is humbling.

I get to stay home with my babies.

My precious, precious Jesus:
I'm sure you know better than I the gift that you've given me. I can't imagine why or how you think I can do this . . . I know you'll help me. I know it's going to be hard. I also know that it's going to be worth all the tears and heartache and sacrifice. You are worth it. You alone are worthy of my praise, and I pray that I can give it to you fully and without reservation. Thank you, thank you.