Submission

Submission is a hard thing. The Lord commands it . . . but I'm not a naturally submissive woman. Not that that's an acceptable excuse, I still need to submit to the Lord in all things, I just struggle with it.

I also struggle with trust: I've gone through hurts and have slow-healing scars, and that makes me hesitant sometimes. Not that that's an acceptable excuse either, it's just my reality at present.

~~~~~

I almost did something regrettable yesterday . . .

A well-meaning person, one I thought Biblically wise, suggested that perhaps my hubby and I needed a break from each other. The idea was for me to move myself and my children to mom's for a couple of weeks so hubby could get a handle on things at home.

I almost did it. Almost. I was this close to calling hubby and telling him my stupid stupid plan.

Thankfully I posted a message about it to a group of trusted prayer partners and one wise lady stepped up and told me the truth. I am so grateful for her. She lead me to these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:10

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:

A wife is not to depart from her husband.

~ ~ ~

Matthew 12:25

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them,

"Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and

every city or household divided against itself will not stand."

Again, so thankful for her wisdom.

So I suppose I'll need an answer for the well-meaning friend with bad advice. I am choosing not to confront, but to answer honestly if they inquire about our situation. I don't think they meant to encourage division . . . and I won't hold it against them.

I just thank the Lord, weary as I am, that He is faithful and true, and worthy of all Praise and Honor and Glory.

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Heavenly Father,

I know now that for me, trusting you starts with my letting go. So since I'm already dangling at the end of my rope, and since you are waiting to catch me, I may as well loose my grip and see what happens.

I confess this is really hard for me, and that I am desperately afraid of falling. I will keep my eyes on you.

I love you Lord.

Lead the way.

Faint hope is still hope

Just when I was ready to give up! God surprises me again . . .

I'm still not sure that the conversation hubby and I had on Saturday was real. My husband actually apologized for not taking my requests to stay home more seriously, and he said he wants to do "whatever it takes" to follow the Lord's plan for the family. He said he's willing to work 16 hours a day to cover the house and bills so I can stay home and take care of my kids.

So now I'm fighting unbelief:

• Unbelief in him: he's made and broken promises time and again, but he's my husband and I love him enough to trust that God is working in his heart.
• Unbelief in myself: can I really do what God is asking me to do?
• Unbelief in God's power: I want to trust that He is working all of this out, but after 8 years of hoping it gets really really tiring.

I need to believe that this is just a first tenative baby step forward. I have to remember that my heart can deceive me, and that I just need to trust that God is moving.

He. Is. Moving.

So I started wondering to myself where I should turn for guidance. <<>>

I went to my favorite online Bible just now and found this:

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”- Proverbs 19:20-21

Okay, seriously! He loves me that much, that He would put that verse of the day up for 'such a time as this.'

I know the Lord's purpose will prevail. I will continue to hope, and I will wait upon the Lord.

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