Thankful

I still haven't told my poor manager that she's going to be losing me . . . frankly, I'm a little chicken to do it. Bock, bock. Then again I was also chicken about telling my best friend that we're pregnant. But I did that anyway.

I've sort of been waiting for the "right time" to give my notice, and though I don't really need to give more than 2 weeks' notice, I'd like to give them 2 months if possible.

Sometimes I get a funny little ache thinking about leaving work. This has been, without a doubt, the best job I've ever had. My co-workers are great, the work is interesting and special assignments change often--which I love, the location is convenient, the benefits are fantastic. Why am I leaving again? In this economy?

Oh, yeah. My kids. :-)

Answered prayer doesn't come as ordered, does it? I had hoped for something cleaner-cut, expected to stay in the house we're in, but that's not what's happening. Financially we're taking a really big hit . . . I can't imagine why that doesn't bother me more than it does. Honsestly we're doing things so totally against "worldly" wisdom that I'm sure all the financial gurus out there would be keeling over in their spit-shined Italian leather shoes, rumpling up their tailored suits.

I hope they sit down in some gum. Or the pigeons get 'em.

~~

I've been realizing over the last few days, even as I plan my escape, that there are things I'm going to miss about working: conversations with educated adults, really good take out for lunch, walks in the skyway during breaks, free coffee every day, the chance to use my brain on something more than crossword puzzles . . .

But then, there are the things I'm NOT going to miss . . .

A boss who looks at either his watch or the clock every time he walks by my desk and cusses; a co-worker who can't seem to button up her blouse; making coffee twice a day for other people; the "hurry, hurry, let's get this done" only to have a project either shelved or the terms change; sitting at the computer. All. Day. Long.

Most important: I won't miss my kids. I won't miss that ache in my chest when I drop them off at daycare. I'll be there for the things they learn, or hearing their laughter at playtime, or holding them when they sleep, or when they fall and skin their knees, or when they need a hug. I won't miss them like I do now, because I'll be there.

I won't miss the horrible guilt of giving my babies to a stranger to raise. Now I know that many people will think that sounds horrible, but my kids really do spend the majority of their waking hours around adults who are not their parents.

It won't be long, I know. I miss my babies. More and more I want to snuggle them, make memories, take walks, dig in the dirt . . . it won't be long now.

Just 6 short months ago I prayed Psalm 127 for the first time, that my house would be built by the Lord, and that our labor would not be in vain; and that we would learn to trust God with everything, including the size of our family. He has shown Himself faithful. Hallelujah!!

Heavenly Father,
Thank you. For all that you are, I thank you.
For all that you give, and all that you take away, I thank you.
Teach me how to praise your name when times get hard.
Teach me how to walk in your ways.
Hold me tight when I don't think I can make it.
Whisper in my ear, remind me that you are what makes me strong.
Help me to love my kids the way you want them to be loved.
Help me be the momma you want me to be, the wife you want me to be.
Amen