All Things New (Part 1)

Wow.  It's been a while.  This last summer we had some major changes, and I forgot about you, little blog.  Well, not entirely.  You've been remade 17 times in my mind, and when I logged in today I discovered that none of those changes had been made!  Amazing how things don't get done if I don't do them.  Hmm.

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This last summer I decided to take the fight for our boy to a new level.  My middle child (who is becoming the second of four, come Feb 2013), the one who fell off the bed in his sleep and split his lip, has been having more troubles.  I had tried to write it all off as just 'boys are like that sometimes'.  But there was still the nagging feeling at the back of my mind, and the more issues that sprang up, the more I talked with our doctor, the more I started to hear, "Oh, he'll grow out of (insert symptom)," the more that little nagging feeling became a suspicion.

Since he was 6 months old our guy's had eczema.  Now, at almost 4, he's had digestive issues, major tantrum issues, communication difficulties, is refusing to toilet train, he self-injures, sleeps very little (which results in ME sleeping very little), is obsessive about certain toys and videos, runs in circles waving his hands . . . I could go on and on.  We've tried 6 or 7 OTC lotions, creams, essential oils and bath additives, 2 or 3 prescriptions, and nothing gave him much relief from his eczema.  In fact, most of his bed sheets are blood stained from his scratching. 

I read about trying an elimination diet to see if he had food allergies, tried removing gluten and things improved a little:  his eczema was less severe, he was sleeping better and his mood and cooperation had improved.  I took him back to the MD with our findings and asked for a referral to an allergist.  After two negative IGA screens and one negative RAST test, I felt so frustrated.  That doctor said, point blank, "I don't think his issues are food related." 
"Bull****," I thought.  "This HAS to be food related."  So I kept on reading.  Some friends had been posting info on Facebook about the Paleo diet, and so we tried that.  One article caught my eye:  these parents made major changes to the way their family eats, and found that health improvements were dramatic and started immediately. 

We started a modified Paleo diet (included rice and gluten-free oats) and saw dramatic improvements in everyone's health in just a few weeks.  It didn't completely resolve the eczema issue, but after seeing the behavior improvements in our boy, I thought we were on the right track. 

**I feel at this point it's important to say that I am SO grateful for a gal named Kim.  If not for her, listening astutely to the complaints of a confused and sleep-deprived momma and offering her opinion (despite the fact that it could make me mad, she said), we wouldn't be where we are.  Thank you, my dear, for helping me put the puzzle together, and for caring enough to speak up--even when it might be uncomfortable.**

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TBC

Promised Land

I keep thinking about the Israelites, and wonder how they felt when they were told--after 40 years of wandering around that mountain--that they were finally allowed to enter the land promised to their forefathers.

Were they excited, or was the concept of the promised land--and the memory of slavery--so far removed from them that they didn't care or understand?

Maybe that's why I'm not more excited? The idea that I get to go home to my babies is still just so unreal to me. I trust the Lord; I'm doing research and making plans, hubby and I are crunching the numbers and making out a new budget, and things are looking good. It's just so unreal . . . but in that dream-like happy way.

I love my kids so much. I love my husband so much. I serve the biggest best God ever. And I love HIM so much!!

Good things come to those who wait . . .

I can hardly believe I'm writing this post.

The last week has been like a blur . . . I had this feeling . . . then there were two blue lines on a stick . . . then my husband said what I've been praying he'd say for the last four years; "Looks like you're coming home to stay, because we can't afford 3 in daycare!"

I get to stay home with my babies.

I feel like I've lived an entire life since then, and it's only been 5 days.

I'm not jumping up and down like I thought I would be. I'm just happy. Peaceful. Excited, but nervous. Temperate? I don't know what to call this feeling . . . the Joy of the Lord? Probably, but it's a lot quieter than I thought it would be. I have more patience for my almost-four-year-old and her grumpies, and with my 13 month old as he develops his own strong-willed temperament. I have more patience with my DH. I have peace. I feel humbled by the grace that has been given to me. I am allowed another child, and the chance to do my best raising the two I already have.

I still have to fight the fear that comes with change--that's never easy, of course. There are all these, "What if" situations that pop up in my brain, but they're all based on fear . . . and not a healthy fear of the Lord, either.

It's taking time to sink in, like our spring thaw . . . I get to stay home with my babies. I'm still not jumping up and down. In my imagination there were more exclamation points in this post. :-) I sure smile a whole lot more, that's for sure.
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Something just occurred to me . . . very soon I won't have to listen to the CEO of our company curse every time he looks at the clock as he walks by my desk. I won't miss that. Not one bit.
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I'm going to start really digging in to Proverbs 31, and will post my observations here as I go. I want to be that woman for God, for my kids and for my husband.

How am I going to break this to my boss? :-) I know I'm going to meet with opposition in many areas, perhaps mostly here at work, but I honestly don't care. My family is supportive and so are the friends we've told. I'm sure a lot of people will think we're nuts: lots have asked whether we were "done" when we got pregnant with my DS, but I couldn't really answer except to say, "I don't know" or "For now."

I just feel so blessed, so undeservedly blessed. It really is humbling.

I get to stay home with my babies.

My precious, precious Jesus:
I'm sure you know better than I the gift that you've given me. I can't imagine why or how you think I can do this . . . I know you'll help me. I know it's going to be hard. I also know that it's going to be worth all the tears and heartache and sacrifice. You are worth it. You alone are worthy of my praise, and I pray that I can give it to you fully and without reservation. Thank you, thank you.

Distraction

Anyone else out there get distracted easily? I'm even having a hard time typing out this second sentence! Blah!!
Lately, I find myself lost in my own thoughts when I should be working. I don't want to be one of those daydreamer employees who does just enough to get by, but I'm afraid that's exactly the category I'm falling into at the moment. Dolly daydream . . .
Mostly I'm thinking about my daughter and what it will be like for her to have a little brother; I wonder how in the world we're going to get by on one income with all the out-standing debt we have; how I can be a better support for my husband as he's looking for more work.
We got word back from Arkansas--basically, hubby is asking for way more than this company can afford, so they're in the slary negotiating stage.
I'm no longer convinced that moving out of state is the answer to our financial issues. I'm really starting to want to figure out how we can stay put, I just have no idea how we're going to cover all the bills AND pay down debt.

Heavenly Father, hold us up. I'm so distracted lately that I'm having a hard time getting my work done . . . all I want to do is stay home with my daughter. It's hard getting out of bed each day and dropping her off at daycare. Please give me the strength and fortitude to keep pressing forward!
I love you Lord. Thank you for your mercy today. Amen