Beauty from ashes

I've been praying that the Lord would use my mistakes and unfortunate past experiences for His glory, and I'm starting to see that happen. I was able to minister to a friend today, to help her remember His hope for her hopeless situation . . . it was amazing. She has the mark of Grace on her life, true grace. She could choose bitterness, but chose instead graciousness. She chose truth over a lie. She chose God's Word over her feelings. She has every reason to be unforgiving, but is choosing instead to forgive. I am so proud of her.
God is so good!!
I don't know what the end result of our prayers will be, but I'm excited to see what happens. We're hoping for the best, praying against the worst, and waiting on the Lord.
God used the beautiful end result of my presumably hopeless situation, and turned it into hope for my friend. I love that.

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

He said He will renew our strength, He'll give us wings to fly.

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I remember reading once that revenge is like swallowing poison in the hopes that another will die, and I believe that is true. What freedom there is in forgiveness!

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Praise report!! My husband got a new job: it's a temp-to-hire situation, and I'm praying that it's just another step toward home for me. My journey to being a stay-at-home momma is becoming more real to me all the time. Hubby is actually talking about "having another one!" Is he always going to get baby-fever before me? We're definitely becoming a quiverfully-minded couple, and much quicker than I'd anticipated.

Psalm 127
A song of ascents. Of Solomon.

1 Unless the LORD builds the house,

its builders labor in vain.

Unless the LORD watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain.
2 In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

for he grants sleep to [a] those he loves.
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,

children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.

They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Submission

Submission is a hard thing. The Lord commands it . . . but I'm not a naturally submissive woman. Not that that's an acceptable excuse, I still need to submit to the Lord in all things, I just struggle with it.

I also struggle with trust: I've gone through hurts and have slow-healing scars, and that makes me hesitant sometimes. Not that that's an acceptable excuse either, it's just my reality at present.

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I almost did something regrettable yesterday . . .

A well-meaning person, one I thought Biblically wise, suggested that perhaps my hubby and I needed a break from each other. The idea was for me to move myself and my children to mom's for a couple of weeks so hubby could get a handle on things at home.

I almost did it. Almost. I was this close to calling hubby and telling him my stupid stupid plan.

Thankfully I posted a message about it to a group of trusted prayer partners and one wise lady stepped up and told me the truth. I am so grateful for her. She lead me to these scriptures:

1 Corinthians 7:10

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:

A wife is not to depart from her husband.

~ ~ ~

Matthew 12:25

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them,

"Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and

every city or household divided against itself will not stand."

Again, so thankful for her wisdom.

So I suppose I'll need an answer for the well-meaning friend with bad advice. I am choosing not to confront, but to answer honestly if they inquire about our situation. I don't think they meant to encourage division . . . and I won't hold it against them.

I just thank the Lord, weary as I am, that He is faithful and true, and worthy of all Praise and Honor and Glory.

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Heavenly Father,

I know now that for me, trusting you starts with my letting go. So since I'm already dangling at the end of my rope, and since you are waiting to catch me, I may as well loose my grip and see what happens.

I confess this is really hard for me, and that I am desperately afraid of falling. I will keep my eyes on you.

I love you Lord.

Lead the way.

Faint hope is still hope

Just when I was ready to give up! God surprises me again . . .

I'm still not sure that the conversation hubby and I had on Saturday was real. My husband actually apologized for not taking my requests to stay home more seriously, and he said he wants to do "whatever it takes" to follow the Lord's plan for the family. He said he's willing to work 16 hours a day to cover the house and bills so I can stay home and take care of my kids.

So now I'm fighting unbelief:

• Unbelief in him: he's made and broken promises time and again, but he's my husband and I love him enough to trust that God is working in his heart.
• Unbelief in myself: can I really do what God is asking me to do?
• Unbelief in God's power: I want to trust that He is working all of this out, but after 8 years of hoping it gets really really tiring.

I need to believe that this is just a first tenative baby step forward. I have to remember that my heart can deceive me, and that I just need to trust that God is moving.

He. Is. Moving.

So I started wondering to myself where I should turn for guidance. <<>>

I went to my favorite online Bible just now and found this:

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.”- Proverbs 19:20-21

Okay, seriously! He loves me that much, that He would put that verse of the day up for 'such a time as this.'

I know the Lord's purpose will prevail. I will continue to hope, and I will wait upon the Lord.

<><

Illnesses

Why do they need to fight you when you're fighting for them? Seriously!
My oldest is sick and REFUSES to puke in the pan. She's strong-willed, but trying to convince her that her will is no match for the tummy flu is taking a long time to sink in. My poor baby. I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do for her.
I'm also trying to relay the message that sometimes answers to prayer are "No," and that that's okay. Trying to get across that we should praise God in all circumstances may be a tougher nut to crack today.

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Dear Lord Jesus, I don't want to catch this illness. Please keep me, hubby, and little brother safe from it? Please?

Still waiting

I can't believe it's been so long since I visited my little blog! Time sure flies, I guess.

Little Brother came along in late January and I've been running hard ever since. Big Sister has adjusted well to the addition, but it was a little touch-and-go for a while. Little has endured severe pats on the head, too-tight hugs and has literally been kicked when he was down. Tough boy, brother to a tougher girl.

I wish I could say I was closer to my heart's desire--to stay home with my kids--but I'm not. I've learned a lot on this journey so far, though:

• Having two kids is seventeen times the work of one. Or thereabouts.
  
• Boy babies are easier than girl babies. I heard this rumor once before, and now I'm a believer.
• I'm much more relaxed this time around than I was with #1. Perhaps it's experience, perhaps it's just fatigue. I suspect it's a combo.
• My husband is an awesome guy. He's taken to this kid raising thing well, and still manages to make me feel like a special lady. That is a wonderful thing!

I'm sure that one day we'll get this SAHM thing figured out, but I wish we could do it sooner than we are. Perhaps that isn't the Lord's plan for me now . . . I just have to wait on Him.

I still have my dream of staying home with the kids, maybe having one or two more, growing my own veggies in the summer and homeschooling. Maybe it'll happen yet . . .

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I'll be thirty this fall and I'm starting to feel less like a little kid, and more like an adult. When the heck did that happen?! When did my gray hairs become just a fact of life instead of an abhorrence? Not that I have so many, but they do stand out in dark brown hair . . . time to dig out the henna!